My Broken Heart

My heart is broken today.  The pain is like no other.  I have had my heart broken by boyfriends but when your child does it nothing compares.  My oldest child has sent me into a state of depression, confusion, and downright pain.  She didn't mean to do it.  She wasn't trying to rip my heart out.  However, it happened and I will need time to overcome my sorrow.  This child without asking for my approval or permission decided to take it upon herself and grow up.  I mean grow up in every sense of the word.  Overnight she became responsible, self-reliant, confident, and the worst one - self sufficient.  I know, I know...this is what every mother dreams of but little do we know that this is the worst type of dream.

This child woke up this morning without her father dragging her out of bed.  She had her clothes for the day neatly folded on her desk.  Her phone was charged and in her purse (not under her bed or in the covers or on the vanity or in the refrigerator - the normal places).  She packed the things that she needed for her overnight field trip on Sunday...three days before the event.  Her snacks were packed last night along with her notebook, camera, and three black pens.  I was not involved in any of this packing.  I did not have to remind her, help her, encourage her (i.e. scream at her), or anything that I normally have to do.

I realize that an overnight field trip to study coastal erosion is a huge motivator to get stuff done.  However, this sneaky child has been showing signs of growing up for quite some time.  I just chose to ignore it.  I thought it was a phase when she completed homework without my help.  Everyone starts off the school year focused and determined.  I guess I am happy that she does homework alone but I sort of miss calling out spelling words and reading about the ancient Greeks and plant cells with her.  We still study together before tests but it is because of my insistence.

Last weekend she asked to go to the movie to see The Lion King in 3-D.  I was ecstatic about seeing one of my favorite movies again.  Unfortunately, I was not invited.  She expected to be DROPPED OFF.  I should have seen this coming.  The first movie I saw alone was Back to the Future in 1985.  I was in fifth grade.  She is in seventh grade.  I thought it would be different with us.  I thought that she liked hanging out with me.  I was cool at one time...before children, before wrinkle cream and hair dye became necessary...I was cool.