Momisms

"How many times do I have to tell you?"  I say this about forty times a day in addition to whatever it is that I want done.  I know my children are oblivious to this phrase and so many others.  They learned to tune me out before they learned to walk.  Yet, I still say it along with other equally useless ones.

"If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?"  This one is dangerous.  I know that at least two of mine would.  Actually, those two would probably be the friend that started the whole mess.  I secretly think that the mothers of the world inspired the BASE jumping movement.  I try to limit this momism for fear that it will spark an idea.

"You'll understand when you are older."  I say this one a lot too.  It is a lie.  I use it most often for things that I can't explain and don't understand.  I am oldish and most things that I was not allowed to do as a child still sound enticing.

"Because I said so."  A good one for those other times when you have no explanation and really don't understand the reasoning either.  I try to limit this one because it was my mom's favorite and I cringe when it comes out of my mouth.

"Don't make me stop this suburban."  They know that I won't.  I am always in a rush.  I don't have time to stop the suburban and they know it.  And, what would I do if I stopped the suburban?  Yell?  Spank?  Lecture?  I can yell and lecture while driving...I am a multitasker.  I won't spank because it hurts my arthritic hands too much.    Yet, I say this over and over.

"Look at me when I am talking to you."  I need to know that you are not zoned out.  I  need to know that you get it.  I also need to know that you are not rolling your eyes behind my back because everyone knows that your face could get stuck with those weird expressions.

"Act your age."  This beauty is usually a response to a child who is acting like a child!  What I really mean is, "Act like a grown up who has sense."  That would be too much to ask so I just make it sound like all the kids their age are more responsible, more respectful, more resilient, and more responsive.  Again, I lie!

"Some day you will thank me for this."  I really hope that this one happens.  I know I thank my mom for a lot for her guidance, her patience, and even her rules!