This morning was different...probably because I sent two girls to school on the verge of tears after I once again explained to them why actually doing their homework is important. I began blogging after I was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis because I wanted my children to have evidence that I loved them despite my ever present rantings about homework, socks in the yard, dirty clothes on the floor next to the hamper, dishes on the table...well you get the idea. This morning I sent those two girls to school thinking that I am disappointed in them. While I am disappointed in their choices, I could never be disappointed in them.
So, when I heard those words that something of mine had been broken, I made a very conscious decision to at least wait for the explanation before losing my cool. I guess it was the immense guilt from the earlier events that led me to be rational this time. I have many things so maybe this time it's not something that I really care about anyway. I mean almost all of the really important stuff has already been broken! I waited for one of the youngest members of our family to plead his case. This one is young enough to not have the smarts to hide it, lie about it, or blame it on one of the others. That sweet boy had broken...wait for it...my pencil. Ummmm, so glad I decided to keep my cool!
As parents of many, Jason and I are so used to putting out fires that we are beginning to see every one as a potential inferno. I over think and immediately envision the multitude of possible outcomes. I am running out of time with the older ones. I guess I just want to make sure that I get everything in before they go. My goal is to make them successful while fully knowing that success will be on their terms. I hope that when they have their own children they will look back and say...maybe mom wasn't so crazy after all. Of course, I secretly hope that my grandchildren, at least once, forget to do their homework, leave their dirty clothes hanging around, and break at least one thing...payback!